"I need to figure out what mine life is going to look like and also what my legacy is going to be," said Ben Higgins, who is collection to tie the knot through Jessica Clarke this fall

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During an appearance on Trista Sutter's Better Etc. podcast on Tuesday, Higgins, 32, revealed the he's figuring out the following phase that his life and, in the meantime, has actually returned to his indigenous Indiana to execute so.

"I am back in Indiana ideal now since of a breakdown, again, in my life wherein I'm going, 'I don't understand what's happening.' i don't know what this following season the life looks favor for me," the former Bachelor lead claimed of his existing emotional state, which he said has nothing to perform with his partnership with fiancée Jessica Clarke. "I'm farther and also farther removed from the show and also then, in ~ the same time, I require to figure out what my life's gonna look at like and what my legacy is going to be."

"It's a really exciting season. The periods are unfamiliar come me, however it's likewise really hard because I'm at a short place. Ns don't view myself together this thriving number right now. I'm sort of lamenting and also separating myself from a the majority of things that I've hosted close," that added.



RELATED: Ben Higgins opens up Up about His previous Painkiller Addiction: 'I take it Pills from mine Grandfather'

He admitted the he's "not great at experiencing pleasure right now" and also "not great at celebrating things" together well, which he claimed is likely due to his ego "playing tricks" top top him.

Higgins obtained notoriety as a contestant top top Kaitlyn Bristowe's Bachelorette season in 2015. He later went on to star on The Bachelor the complying with year, where he met ex Lauren Bushnell lane (their engagement ended in 2017).

He's now engaged to Clarke, that he an initial introduced to fans in February 2019. The couple, who purchased their very first home together in Colorado critical year, are set to wed in November.

Though gift a component of Bachelor country "might it is in the best thing that ever happened" come him, Higgins said, he identified that he's also not certain of his ar within that universe anymore.

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"I don't know how to do it my objective now. I don't recognize what to carry out with the anymore," he claimed on Sutter's podcast. "It's no really a piece of me anymore. I deserve to talk about it, I deserve to share mine experience about it but ultimately, ns was simply telling Jess this the other day, ns was like, 'I feel choose my only duty in the Bachelor currently is to be there because that the contestants that desire me to it is in there because that them.'"

Higgins claimed he understands first-hand "how an excellent it feels as soon as fame is simply being poured anywhere you" and also how "hard it feels as soon as that's ripped away from you and glossesweb.com relocate on and a brand-new generation come up through and also you don't also understand them."

The reality star has been vocal around some the his battles in the past. Earlier this year, Higgins opened up up about his former addiction come pain killers.



"Several years ago, i went through a period of about four months where I was totally disconnected native everyone," he created of his battles with painkillers in his book, Alone in level Sight: searching for connection When You're Seen however Not Known, every E! News. "I might barely obtain out the bed, much less interact with others. I wasn't simply depressed. Ns was ashamed. I'd made a substantial mess not just of mine life yet of the lives of others."

He added, "I felt so negative that i retreated deep within myself because I was afraid i was going to hurt someone again. I didn't trust myself. I didn't favor myself, allow alone love myself."

If girlfriend or someone you know needs mental health help, text "STRENGTH" to the situation Text line at 741-741 come be linked to a certified dilemm counselor.

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