Sex How often Should Couples have Sex?

The underlying reasons for sexual patterns are more important than frequency.

posted September 25, 2018 | the review by Lybi Ma


“How regularly do you and also your partner have sex?”

It’s a inquiry that comes up often, albeit tentatively, exposing several of our deepest insecurities about our intimate relationships.

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Few of united state haven’t wondered at part point: how much sex have to we it is in having? What if we’re having actually less sex than our friends? Is our connection doomed if us aren’t having sufficient sex? and also what is sufficient sex anyway?


These inquiries are naturally flawed, due to the fact that how regularly we are having actually sex doesn"t address whether or not that sex is good, bad, or dissatisfying. Nevertheless, the frequency v which we are sexually intimate can play a duty in both our sexual and also relationship satisfaction. For this reason how often are most couples having sex? and also what does that median for our connection quality and satisfaction?


The Most common Response

Before addressing the different frequencies of sex-related activity, and what that way for our relationship and also sexual satisfaction, it"s precious noting the most usual frequency the sexual task that median couples report having in bedrooms throughout the nation.

In a examine of over 26,000 Americans, which was published in the Archives of sex-related Behavior, entrants reported having sex 54 times a year, which averages the end to about once a week.1 This reported frequency was found to be about nine sexual interactions a year lower since a comparable study was conducted in 1990. The sample consisted of those that were single, dating, married, and also cohabitating. When the writer looked in ~ married couples specifically, the mean sexual frequency to be slightly lower, in ~ 51 sex-related encounters a year, or simply less than when a main on average.


The the happiest Response

How happy are couples that have actually sex in ~ the national average of around once a week? While many of us can be lean to think that an ext sex is related to more happiness, research argues there is a suggest of diminishing returns. In a examine of end 30,000 Americans, published in the newspaper of society Psychological and also Personality Science, researcher examined the relationship in between how regularly couples reported having actually sex and whether that related to their report level of happiness.2 The researchers concluded that couples that were having actually sex once a week were the happiest, if couples that reported having actually sex two, three, or more times a week were no happier 보다 those having actually sex when a week. Castle still reported being fairly happy, but the research says they were simply as happy together couples who had sex at the national average.


So couples having actually sex in ~ the average of as soon as a week room happy. And also couples who have sex an ext often than that are just as happy. However what about those of us having actually sex much less than once a week?

The potentially Problematic Response

The study defined above, which concentrated on sexual frequency and also happiness, walk conclude that those that were having sex less than as soon as a week reported reduced levels of joy than those having actually sex once a mainly (or more).2 however according to various other studies and experts on the topic, over there is a considerable variety of reduced than average sexual frequencies. In among the few studies top top the object of "sexless marriages," 16 percent that the 6,029 participants reported not having actually sex end the last month.3 The lead author of this study, Dr. Donnolly, has an in similar way estimated the 15 percent that couples have actually not had sex in the last six months. Using a slightly various unit of measurement, the writer of the publication Sex Starved Marriage, Michele Weiner Davis, defines a "sexless marriage" as one in which couples have sex 10 time a year or less.


The reason You"re Not having Sex problem More

The frequency v which we have actually sex receive a many attention, since it"s the easiest means to measure and compare our sex resides to ours peers. But having lots of poor sex isn’t going to make anyone happy, nor is the going to leaving you feeling satisfied. It"s necessary to identify that the factors we aren"t having sex matter an ext than how regularly we are having it. That is, if we are fighting or falling out of love with our partner, not having sex can be a symptom of a much bigger problem. However, if we are just busy, sick, navigating parenthood, or identify as asexual (and the perform goes on), then it may be more circumstantial and nothing to panic over.


It"s crucial to remember the good, solve sex, also if it"s when a month or less, may be preferable to having sex once a week once it"s no eliciting sexual pleasure or feel of intimacy and closeness.

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Facebook image: Phovoir/Shutterstock


1. Twenge, J.M., Sherman, R.A. & Wells, B.E. Arch Sex Behav (2017) 46: 2389. Https://doi.org/10.1007/s10508-017-0953-1


2. Muise, A, Schimmack, U. & Impett, E., sex-related Frequency Predicts greater Well-Being, But more is Not constantly Better, society Psychology and also Personality Science, 7, 4, 295-302. Https://doi.org/10.1177/1948550615616462


3. Donnelly, D. (1993). Sexually inactive marriages. The newspaper of Sex Research, 30, 2, 171-179. Https://doi.org/10.1080/00224499309551698


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About the Author


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Sarah Hunter Murray, Ph.D., is a sex researcher and also relationship therapist specializing in exactly how men and also women experience sex-related desire in long-term relationships.