I newly attended mine father’s funeral, which to be a very large gathering with family, friends, and also people in the community. He touched countless lives and also was well-known approximately town, so hundreds of human being showed approximately pay respects. Tears to be shed, handshakes and hugs to be exchanged, and also memories were shared. It to be an emotionally day, come say the least … yet I didn’t even come close to crying. In fact, ns haven’t cried at all since he passed. I’ve tried, since it seems prefer the point to do, and because people have been telling me points like, “You just need to let that out,” or, “You’ll feeling so much far better afterward.”

In general I don’t take into consideration myself a really emotional person, despite I’ve been recognized to melted a tear at sad movies. And I cried once my childhood dog died in my 20s. Therefore it makes me feel even worse the I had the ability to express part emotion in ~ those times and not now, at a plainly more impactful loss. And it’s not choose I hated my dad, either. We’d grown apart in recent years, but I have positive memories from my childhood once my dad to be around and not away for military service, as he frequently was.

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My 2 siblings room grieving in “normal” ways, and they absolutely think I’m some kind of monster for no crying at all, particularly at the funeral. Meanwhile, I’ve been the one with a clear head on my shoulders to aid our mommy arrange the memorial, gain her finances in order, etc. So at least some good has come out of mine apathy. But I perform wonder why I’m no reacting more strongly, and also whether I must be doing something to do myself move through grief more.

Would the be beneficial to try to make myself cry? does crying should be a part of grief? ns don’t want to draw the grief process out unnecessarily if I can instead simply move forward. —Dried Up

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Dear Dried Up,

A parent’s passing deserve to be a momentous time in one’s life—and assuming we know and also outlive them, we all endure it eventually. Every of us will react in our own way. That method we will cry or not, feeling sad or not, feel cost-free or not, feel glad or not. Everything our feeling or, much more accurately, mixture of our feelings, we will certainly be affected—some people more, part less, some an ext openly expressive, part less. It is all component of gift human.

You dubbed yourself “Dried Up.” i was surprised as soon as I read that. What does it mean? Then ns thought, “dried up” suggests that what was wet prior to is dry now. Ns wonder if there were times in your early life once you were unhappy, and now you’ve got to equilibrium.

You create that you cried once your dog died and also you additionally cry at details movies. Part movies room arranged to make civilization cry; that’s their purpose. And also when your dog died, you were in your 20s, a time when world start truly becoming adults. Although i don’t understand you well enough to clear what made you that you are, that certainly possible your dog’s death may have been connected with the finish of her childhood. If so, friend may have actually cried both because that the dog and likewise that it marked the ending of a valuable time in your life.

Now that your father has died, you wonder why you don’t cry. Friend wonder if over there is something wrong with you, perhaps. The presumes the crying is not just normal, but mandatory.

Who states you have to cry? Every person experiences grief in their own way and in their own time. Everyone expresses your emotions differently, and there is no right way to carry out it.

Who says you need to cry? Every human experiences grief in your own way and in their own time. Anyone expresses your emotions differently, and there is no right means to carry out it. The a completely individual matter. You write that girlfriend are normally reserved emotionally—that’s neither a hopeful nor a an unfavorable attribute, but rather a description of your place on a continuum of emotional expressiveness. Some human being are much more openly expressive, some less, as with some folks have brown eyes and others have actually blue eyes.

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Your siblings seem to have an exact ideas around the right and also wrong means to have feelings and subsequently display them. I wonder if this is not part of a bigger story about how you relate come one another. They space not pleased through you because you walk not screen grief as they did. Execute you all have to be the same? Is there just one means to be?

You speak of your apathy. Ns not sure I recognize what you mean by that, and also I wonder if you might mean impassivity quite than apathy, so i looked increase apathy in the dictionary. Merriam-Webster differentiates apathy from impassivity: “Impassivity stresses the lack of any external sign of emotion in activity or face expression.” what’s wrong v that?

I definitely do not think you need to make yourself cry. Friend shouldn’t make yourself execute anything. Just be yourself and let points take their herbal course.

Take care,



Lynn Somerstein, PhD, NCPsyA, C-IAYT is a Manhattan-based, license is granted psychotherapist with much more than 30 years in exclusive practice. She is additionally a yoga teacher and student of Ayuveda—the Indian science of wellness. Her main interest is in helping human being find healthy and balanced ways that living, loving, and also working in the particular combination that works finest for them, connecting to your deepest energic source so their full range of abilities have the right to be expressed. Lynn"s specialty is understanding and alleviating anxiety and depression.